All About Leeth

Leeth lives in a "mixtopian" future world, neither utopian nor dystopian, in which technology and magic uneasily blend. This blog is all about the series — the characters, world, and writing — so if you'd like me to cover some topic, just contact me and ask. (Over on my other blog, A Toe in the Ocean of Books, I share what I've learned about self-publishing.)

Pages

Home
Blog

A Quick Note

The Leeth Dossier is a sci-fi/fantasy series about an unusual girl, set in our world about 50 years from now: and 25 years after magic unexpectedly returns. It opens with the book Wild Thing (2015), and continues with Harsh Lessons (2016), Shadow Hunt (2017); then (Violent Causes) (2019), Lost Girl (2020?)....
Find Wild Thing with Google

Home

During my experiments with turning this site into a website, I hoped to make this a static home page.

Instead, that site is now AToeInTheOceanOfBooks.com/

Email This BlogThis!Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest

No comments:

Subscribe To

Posts

Atom

Posts

All Comments

Atom

All Comments

Search This Blog

Eagle-eyed readers

0. Nikos Andronikos (deliberate Mediaeval in Bio)
1. Louise Harris
2. Kevin Moore
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

First 20 reviewers

1. Barbara Strickland (Amorina Rose & the World of Writing)
2. Aly's Cruisin' Books (C/O Riley Westbrook)
3. Kay Want Cheung (Amorina Rose & the World of Writing)
4.

Pages

Home

About Me

Luke J Kendall: L. J. Kendall failed to drown on five separate occasions on Sydney's northern beaches. He worked in the IT R&D field while extremely happily married for 30 years to an adventurous mediaeval scholar 22 years his senior until her death in 2014. Nowadays, he spends most of his time writing or learning about writing, publishing, and (book) marketing. And trying not to add to the near-drowning total.

View my complete profile

Translate

Blog Archive

▼ 2019 (1)
- ▼ June (1)
  - News

► 2017 (7)
- ► September (1)
- ► August (1)
- ► April (1)
- ► March (2)
- ► February (2)

► 2016 (6)
- ► October (2)
- ► September (3)
- ► April (1)

► 2015 (2)
- ► December (1)
- ► July (1)

ALLi Ethical Author

Something for you (and me)

The two lists, below, are for me to record publicly the names of people who have earned a free copy of the sequel to Wild Thing (titled Lost Girl).

The first way to earn a copy is to be the first person to report to me an error in Wild Thing. (I'll then correct the errors and release an updated ebook version; I imagine I can also update the copy for the print-on-demand edition.) That's the Eagle-Eyed Readers list, and contains people's preferred name (not their email address, for obvious reasons). I do however reserve the right to judge whether something is an error or just my peculiar style!

The second way to a earn a free copy is to be one of the first 20 people to write a substantive (at least 100 word) and honest review - good or bad - of Wild Thing and post it somewhere public like Goodreads or Amazon or your blog. But if you yourself are an author, please note my concern re Amazon and reciprocal reviews.

This blog will include regular updates on how I'm progressing on Lost Girl. As of 2015/7/11 I've written the first five chapters. (No change expected till E/Jan: too much to do regarding publishing of Book 1, until then!)

Eagle-eyed Readers (error-reporters)

0. Nikos Andronikos
1. Louise Harris
2. Kevin Moore
3.

Wild Thing 1st-20 Reviews (Honest review -> free copy of Harsh Lessons

1. Barbara Strickland (Amorina Rose & the World of Writing)
2. Aly's Cruisin' Books (C/O Riley Westbrook)
3. Kay Want Cheung (Amorina Rose & the World of Writing)
4. E-chan
5. Alysia Minot
6. Lisa Diggs
7. Carl
8. Gyslain Desgagne

Revision history for Wild Thing

For readers who want to know specifically, what was fixed in each revision of the text as errors are spotted and pointed out to me, here are the details. (Page numbers refer to the 5"x7" print edition.)

Executive Summary

Release 1: Dec 15th

Release 2: Two typos fixed.

Release 3: Several typos fixed, several sentence rewordings to
improve clarity.

Release 4: One rewording, for clarity.
One italic error fixed.

Release 5: More typos fixed, and fiddling with sentences. Replaced all pairs of "" by plain "". Fixed all wrongly-spaced chapter headings (approx 10).
Changed from British/Aust style quotation-punctuation style ('He said "Yes, really", then…') to US/Canadian style ('He said "Yes, really," then…') in majority of cases (approx 150). (The remaining examples, for unusual situations, are deliberate!)
Replaced all British/Au-preferred "towards" with US-preferred "toward".

Release 6: Hyphenate "N year old" as N-year-old" throughout; use numerals for time of day, not spelled out as words. 10 typos fixed. 3 continuity errors fixed. About 70 small tweaks to wording or punctuation (many to avoid repetitions). Added a thank you to Louise Harris in the Acknowledgments for her proof-reading.

Release 7: Updated the draft sample chapter from the now retitled sequel to use the final text. Clarified the acknowledgements to my editor. Forbade myself from making any further changes except fixing errors.

Release 8: In preparation. Two typos corrected.

Note: be careful, from here onward, you might stumble on something a bit spoiler-ish if you're not careful!

Details

Release 1

Initial release.

Release 2

p69 (grammar):

But he'd explained how she didn't really need anyone else, how
Faith was more than enough companionship, and how a Huntress didn't
need other people, she'd felt much better.
-->
But after he'd explained how she didn't really need anyone
else, how Faith was more than enough companionship, and how a
Huntress didn't need other people, she'd felt much better.

p68 (repeated word):

he had had given her a simple "panic button" to use
-->
he had given her a simple "panic button" to use

Release 3

Prolog, p5 (overuse of "geodesic"; awkward construction):

reduced to charcoal spars and charred geodesic skeletons.
In the same positions they currently were.
-->
reduced to charcoal spars and triangular charred skeletons.
In the same positions they were today.

Prolog, p7; Ch 1 of Shadow Hunt, p478:

counter-moves --> countermoves;
counter-moved --> countermoved

Chapter 1, p25 (emphasise he's carrying two of her suitcases):

A little later he stood with her two small suitcases of clothing
-->
A little later he stood with two of her small suitcases of clothing

Chapter 1, p29; Chapter 3 p40 (unnecessary hyphenation):

half-expected --> half expected

Chapter 6, p60 (make it clear that "anti septic" is Sara's words):

She should probably get some anti septic cream, too, for her
spy kit. And band-aids. Then she could do her own first
aid.
-->
She should probably get some anti septic cream -->'coz
septics were bad. She could add it to her spy kit. And
band-aids, too: then she could do her own first aid.

Chapter 7, p63 (grammatical error):

But after he'd explained how she didn't really need anyone
else, how Faith was more than enough companionship, and how a
Huntress didn't need other people, she'd felt much better.
-->
He'd pointed out how she didn't really need anyone else;
how Faith was more than enough companionship; and
how a Huntress didn't need other people. After he'd
explained, she'd felt much better.

p65 (continuity error):

Sure, she'd picked one of the upper corridors, not covered
by cameras for the hunt.
-->
Sure, she'd picked a stretch of corridor not covered by
cameras for the hunt.

p65 (bow and arrows = weapon, singular):

weapons--> weapon

Chapter 9, p74 (clarify why her training doesn't set off any security alerts):

Each session was exactly the same: she'd stop at the end of one of
the upper corridors with a security camera, carrying the
very old and broken cleaning bot.
-->
She'd chosen the upper level -- deserted and unimportant -- for the
training. Each session was exactly the same: she'd stop at
the end of one of the upper corridors, carrying the very old and
broken cleaning bot into view of the security camera.

Chapter 11, p93:

mixed in amongst the net-based schooling --> mixed in with the net-based schooling

Chapter 12, p105 (avoid awkward reading potential for the sense of "work"):

it would be a challenging work.--> it would be a challenging piece of work.

p106 (avoid possible awkward reading of "could"):

even could Godsson summon something unnatural from the realm
below the Imaginal, from the collective
unconscious,
-->
even could Godsson summon something unnatural from
the realm below the Imaginal -- from the collective
unconscious --

p107 (clarify punctuation choice):

But what had Godsson said to her, to make her react with such horror?
-->
But what had Godsson said to her, for her to react with such horror?

Chapter 13, p109 (clarify that the Jungle
and the Forest are the same place):

Sara liked to roam the Forest, or the Jungle -- depending
on whether it was summer or winter -- with her bow and
arrows.
-->
Sara liked to roam the Forest --> which had turned into
the Jungle, now it was summer --> with her
bow and arrows.

p109, p110 (a little far inland for seagulls):

seagull --> crow; seabird --> large bird

p112; Chapter 14, p122 (wrong spelling for past tense of "lead"):

lead --> led

Chapter 13, p113 (typo):

Wow, that it is one great laser -- Wow, that is one great laser

Release 4

Prolog p1 (italic error):

What --> What

Chapter 7,
p63 (improved wording):

Luckily, she'd mentioned that to her uncle. After he'd explained how she didn't really need anyone else, how Faith was more than enough companionship, and how a Huntress didn't need other people, she'd felt much better.
-->
Luckily, she'd mentioned that to her uncle: and after he'd pointed out how she didn't really need anyone else; how Faith was more than enough companionship; and how a Huntress didn't need other people, she'd felt much better.

As a Huntress --> But as a Huntress

Release 5

"Global" changes:
+1) Replaced all pairs of "<non-breaking space><space>" by plain "<space><space>" (7,000+)

+2) Fixed all wrongly-spaced chapter headings (approx 10)
+3) Changed from British/Aust style quotation-punctuation style ('He said "Yes, really",
then…') to US/Canadian style ('He said "Yes, really,"
then…') in majority of cases (approx 150). (The remaining examples, for unusual situations, are deliberate!)

+4) Replaced all British/Au-preferred "towards" with US-preferred "toward" (approx 30)

Prolog, p6,p7 (punctuation)

'Or might they not even seek → 'Or, might they not even seek

but I believe! → but I believe.

p9 (punctuation, phrasing)

a hammer blow on meat, signalling → a hammer blow on meat signalling

her elbow against his ribs → her elbow into his ribs

and Shining Hair completed her spin → while Shining Hair completed her spin

as if expecting → as if he'd expected

p10 (punct)

husband's chest each impact → husband's chest, each impact

p11 (clarity)

She lunged, grabbing → She lunged forward, grabbing

p14 (clarity)

the female figure → the adult female figure

p15 (punct, typo)

the rigging lines he → the rigging lines, he

swallowed the land yacht.' <p> But you will → swallowed the land yacht. <p> 'But you will

Chapter 1, p21 (word choice)

before collecting herself → and she collected herself

Chapter 2, p27 (word choice, punct)

wall of affection → wave of affection

to his office → to his office.

Chapter 3, p35 (word choice)

and back then → and at that time

p45 (awkward)

So many places new to explore → So many new places to explore

Chapter 5, p54 (punct)

settle her down again, as he → settle her down again as he

Chapter 6, p59 (remove possible ambiguity)

and tape it back into place → and glue it back into place

taping it all together that it → taping it together that it

eyeing the mended hole → eyeing the half-mended hole

Chapter 8, p67 (wording)

stalked the creature, so deeply involved → stalked the creature, though, so deeply involved

Chapter 9, p72 (punct)

a bit worried, all of a sudden → a bit worried all of a sudden

p73 (repetition)

very old and broken cleaning bot into view of the security camera. […] Then […] clearly in view of the camera

→

very old and broken cleaning bot. […] Then […] clearly in view of the security camera

p77 (emphasis)

dragged her chair along to the next door → dragged her chair along to the next door

Chapter 12, p98 (tense)

It was these fearful […] they were all → It is these fearful […] they are all

What were they afraid of → What are they afraid of

p106 (repetition)

It seemed that Godsson himself → It seemed that Godsson

Chapter 13, p108 (continuity)

gull → frantic bird

p115 (emphasis)

And soon I'll be your big sister → And soon I'll be your big sister

Chapter 14, p118, 119, 120 (wording)

security emergency that he was involved in → security emergency he was involved in

Then wondered why → Then she wondered why

in the glimpse she'd caught, saw → in the glimpse she'd caught, she saw

120 (punct)

see what Uncle, or the Director, thought → see what Uncle or the Director thought

Chapter 15, p130 (voice)

one of Mr Benson's episodes → one of Benson's episodes

p132 (clarity)

until Professor Sanders → not until Professor Sanders

Chapter 16, p137 (clarity)

she knew She didn't like → she knew She didn't like

p140 (subtle italic error)

stop her. 'They are unlikely → stop her. 'They are unlikely

p141 (continuity)

chair next to the Director's, → chair to the left of the Director's,

Chapter 17, p148 (clarity&repetition)

asking what he meant → asking "what sea level retreat?"

p149 (repetition)

if Sara and Godsson were correct → if Sara and Godsson were right

Chapter 22, p178 (voice)

building with his help → building with Mr S's help

p179 (wording)

quite so much for a while → quite so often

Chapter 27, p200 (punct)

'Who.' → 'Who?'

p201 (grammar, POV)

threat for the whole human race? → threat to the whole human race?

For a long while she said nothing. → For a long while Sara said nothing.

p202 (voice)

'Well, see if I care!' → 'Well, fine, see if I care!'

Chapter 28, p206 and elsewhere (wrong apostrophe)

'44 [etc.] → '44 [throughout MS: approx. 5 times]

p207 (emphasis)

always happen to me? → always happen to me?

p208 (continuity)

just inches to his left → only a meter or so to his right

p210 (wording)

thrilled by the leashed power → thrilled to the leashed power

and under her shift → and up under her shift

Chapter 29, p214 (continuity)

Ten pm: an hour after → After ten pm: over two hours since

p215 (emphasis)

Unless there had been → Unless there had been

p217 (continuity)

some months back → a long time ago

p218 (wording, typo)

It was also odd she was → It was also odd that she was

little he could except → little he could do except

Chapter 30, p220 (voice)

it had got worse → it had gotten worse

Chapter 32, p231 (punct)

said she wasn't allowed to go this year! → said she wasn't allowed to go, this year!

Chapter 33, p239 (wording)

But that certainty → But one certainty

Chapter 34, p244 (voice)

I still need to enter → I still need to be inside

Chapter 35, p245 (punct)

convincing ceremony. → convincing ceremony?

p246 (wording)

he liked that touch of randomness. → he liked that touch of randomness, too.

p247 (punct, wording)

imaginary foes? → imaginary foes.

As though → As if

Sara had been the invisible stalker → Sara had been his invisible stalker in the grounds

p249 (voice)

she and Mr Shanahan → she and Shanahan

p251 (clarity)

A pre-Unfolding → A broadcast of a pre-Unfolding

p252 (punct, voice)

concentration to maintain that → concentration to maintain, that

making hardly any attempt → making little attempt

p254 (wording)

become clear that he could not → become clear he could not

Chapter 36, p257 (punct)

Orange-o-Tang^TM → Orange-o-Tang^TM,

Chapter 37, p264 (wording)

to whisper to her, warn her → to whisper to her, to warn her

p265 (wording)

he flashed back to the front doors. → he flashed backwards, to the front doors.

Not without a focused effort → Not without both a focused effort

p272 (wording)

A primeval, driving dance: → A primal, driving dance:

Chapter 40, p286 (emphasis)

Gods, it was hot! → Gods, it was hot!

p289 (emphasis, punctuation)

Think! → Think!

'But…' She was silent a moment. → 'But….' She was silent a moment.

p293 (punctuation error)

'You're fukken jokin''? Another one?' → 'You're fukken jokin'? Another one?'

p295 (voice)

There would be a next time. → There would be further opportunities.

Chapter 42, p304 (voice)

All that work ruined. → All his work ruined.

Chapter 43, p307 (clarity)

or the man was so certain → or the man was that certain

Chapter 44, p210 (punct error)

Chill → Chill.

Chapter 46, p318 (wording)

She had to fit in; → She had to blend in;

p320, p323 (italic error)

Or why he wanted → Or why he wanted

but didn't see him. → but didn't see him.

Chapter 47, p327 (typo)

the call of girl was fainter, → the call of the girl was fainter,

p328 (punct)

There was a presence, nearby, → There was a presence nearby,

Chapter 48, p330 (punct)

If anything he was worse than usual, → If anything, he was worse than usual,

p334 (wording)

The Institute had a vehicle. → The Institute did have a vehicle.

had developed a fault, → had developed a fault, months ago,

p337 (wording)

the peculiar sensation the spell → the peculiar sensation that
the spell

Chapter 49, p342 (punct)

'Breakfast from the Dumps,' → "Breakfast from the Dumps,"

p343 (wording)

all their hard cleaning work → all their hard work scrubbing the crime scene

Chapter 50, p351 (flow)

The event, this year, was being treated → This year, the event was being treated

p362 (punctuation, wording)

Commander Stone just looked at her → Commander Stone just looked at her,

'How about if you moved just slowly through → 'How about if you moved, slowly, through

Chapter 51, p364 (wording)

Somehow, though, as the seconds → But as the seconds

p366 (wording, avoid bold)

when the Commander herself spoke. → when the Commander herself explained.

All through the room, in every twist and curve → Everywhere, in every twist and curve

She was all through the room; coiled around everyone!

→

Lily was all through the room; coiled around everyone!

p367 (wording)

his eyes fastened to her → his eyes locked on her

Chapter 52, p371 (tense, wording)

Those weren't my thoughts. → Those aren't my thoughts.

twisting around until they cocooned her → spinning around until they cocooned her

p372 (repetition)

pressure on Godsson a little → pressure on him a little

p374 (wording)

it wasn't enough. → it still wasn't enough.

p375 (wording)

her resolve just shattered → her resolve shattered

p376 (wording)

'Is Faith all right?' → 'Is Faith-?'

Chapter 53, p378 (wording)

The food smelled delicious, → The food smelled delicious, too,

p379 (wording)

Her hand flashed, grabbing his wrist and stopping him

→

She grabbed his wrist, stopping him

Chapter 54, p387 (wording, emphasis)

And the other countries wanted → And the other countries also wanted

which was a poisonous gas → which was a poisonous gas

p389 (wording)

cover up enough so he didn't get all upset; yet still look good.

→

cover up so she still looked good, but he wouldn't get all upset.

p391 (wording)

She'd become the one in charge → She had become the one in charge

p392 (punct, tense)

It was weird. Both Mr S and Keepie → It was weird: both Mr S and Keepie

She'd wiped herself clean, → She wiped herself clean,

p394 (wording)

save people and stuff, and prove → save people and stuff, to prove

p395 (tense)

She'd touched her fingertips → She touched her fingertips

Chapter 55, p402 (clarify)

burst into life all around them, → burst into life all around him,

p403 (clarify, phrasing)

throwing her clear. → throwing Leeth clear.

'Hold Her, L'ith.' → 'That's it, L'ith, hold Her!'

Chapter 56, p405 (wording)

to sniff at Leeth's body → to sniff Leeth's body

p408 (wording)

standing over her body → crouching low over her body

Chapter 57, p409 (wording)

He flung himself to his feet and raced → Flinging himself to his feet he raced

He'd feared that the laser-like blast must surely have → Surely, the laser-like blast must have

heart. → heart?

ghastly, but not as bad → ghastly, yet not as bad

p411 (drama)

He cried out, again. → He cried out, again, calling her back.

p412 (punct, wording)

skin at her breast, he sank back → skin at her breast. He sank back

needed a death. She had been born → needed a death. She had been born

p414 (wording)

lump of burned flesh → lump of scorched flesh

as she considered that → as she saw that

p415 (wording)

'I'll do anything, I promise, if you just Heal her,' she whispered.

→

'I'll do anything,' she whispered. 'Anything, I promise. If you just Heal her.'

Chapter 58, p418 (wording)

Through there was the girl. → The girl awaited, through those gates.

Chapter 59, p420 (wording)

now that I'm wearing underwear? → now that I've put on underwear?

p422 (POV)

She definitely had to lie, this time! → I definitely better lie, this time!

p427 (POV)

He's taken Leeth's solitary report seriously enough to have the entire grounds searched.

→

He's taken Leeth's solitary report seriously enough to have the entire grounds searched.

Chapter 60, p432 (punct)

playin' your games → playin' your games

p434 (wording, punct)

Leeth stared back. → Leeth stared back.

give his own error in that regard, last year? → given his own error in that regard last year?

Chapter 61, p436 (continuity)

The door swung open → The doors swung open

p437 (punct)

connected a new one, bonding it → connected a new one: bonding it

Chapter 63, p445 (continuity)

As well as two other men → As well as three other men

p446 (typo)

The huge, cyborg spoke. → The huge cyborg spoke.

Chapter 64, p449 (wording)

to make sure that she wasn't → to make sure she wasn't

p452 (repetition)

glanced at the man's drawn weapon. → glanced at the man's weapon.

Chapter 64, p449 (wording)

She was strapped to the trolley → She was strapped to a trolley

Chapter 65, p455 (wording)

had her ankles freed → had her ankles loose

Chapter 66, p459 (spelling)

What kind of looneys made that decision? → What kind of loonies made that decision?

Chapter 67, p463 (wording)

[...]unpunished. Your young killer would be an asset. → unpunished; that your young killer would be an asset.

better off without you. → better off without you, too.

AFTERWORD, p469 (consistency)

around April 2016 → mid-2016

PUBLISHING, 2015, p471 (consistency)

ten people → twenty people

Release 6

Completion of reading by Louise Harris. Expected to be the final correction set. General changes: hyphenate "N year old" as N-year-old" throughout; use numerals for time of day, not spelled out as words. 10 typos fixed. 3 continuity errors fixed: Shanahan's dwelling; a left hand vs right hand error; 6 people, not 5, in arrest scene. About 70 small tweaks to wording or punctuation (many to avoid repetitions). Added a thank you to Louise Harris in the Acknowledgments.

p6, p29, p91, p134, p141, p148, p174, p175, p176, p358 (non-hyphenation of N-year-old)

a nine year old girl → a nine-year-old girl [etc.]

p48, p105, p141, p142, p144, p174, p217, p227, p349, (kindness/help to non-genre readers)

"ward" is used in the normal sense, and in the unusual sense of a magical barrier: so various tweaks to make the distinction clearer. Consistently use capital "W" for magical ward, throughout.

p86, p147, p176… (continuity)

Shanahan's dwelling was sometimes referred to as a hut, sometimes a hut, then a house: fix.

p86: hut → small house, set off to one side and behind the bigger, sprawling building

p147: from his security office → from the security office of his house-cum-bunker

p176: break out of his security office, → run from his security office heading for his front door;

p177: Mr Shanahan wouldn't leave his office → Mr Shanahan rarely left his office

p178: There in his hut he'd seemed kind of sad

→

There in the front room of his house, with its rows of monitors and equipment and its thick windows that gave him views on three sides — including the rear of the Institute — he'd seemed kind of sad

(and "only looking up at his screens every now and then when one of the new 'droids trudged into view, but looking quickly away again."

→

"only looking up at his screens when one of the new 'droids trudged into view, then looking quickly away again.")

p178: stopping by his hut → stopping by his sturdy little house

p202: crept past Mr Shanahan's place → crept up to Mr Shanahan's place

p226: when the two of them arrived at his office → after bringing them in to his office

p228: Shakily, he left the office → Shakily, he left the office and then the small house

p392: in his house → in his thickly-walled little house

p416: carried the cyber dog back to his security hut →carried the cyber dog back to his security out-building

p191, p199, p214, p275

six pm → 6 pm, etc.

Chapter 14, p121 (tense subtlety)

For some reason, then, she'd started crying for real. → For some reason, then, she started crying for real.

[I'm carefully slipping between past perfect and simpe past tense, for effect. The past perfect I had here though was distancing.]

p122 (grammar)

and some grown up movies → and some grown-up movies

Chapter 17, p148 (typo)

Single space instead of two in: "during the episode itself. Her distress"

Chapter 18, p150 (grammar: tense)

she had crossed the room and began tugging him → she had crossed the room and begun tugging him

p96, p152, p338 (capitalization of Wild Thing when it's used as a name, not a description)

Chapter 22, p178 (hard-to-understand sentence)

Most afternoons after that she made a point of stopping by his hut like she'd used to, when she went to get Faith to do their patrols until she had to come in for the evening meal.

→

Most afternoons after that, when she went to get Faith for their patrols — which they'd do until she had to come in for her evening meal — she made a point of stopping by his hut[sturdy little house] like she'd used to.

p178 (grammar)

hadn't she'd gotten him into enough trouble → hadn't she gotten him into enough trouble

Chapter 24, p188 (grammar, wording)

Harmon was certain it was not because he knew he would unable to convince him to change his plan, but that there was something which Godsson did not wish to tell him

→

Harmon was certain it was not because he knew he would be unable to convince him to change his plan, but because there was something Godsson did not wish to tell him

p189 (wording; remove italics for part of inner monologue)

fighting something which only he could see

→

fighting something only he could see

She was too young to learn what had happened on the one occasion they had tried that.

→

She was too young to learn what had happened on the one occasion they had tried that.

Chapter 25, p199 (punctuation)

myths and legends for hundreds and even thousands of years

→

myths and legends for hundreds, and even thousands of years

Chapter 27, p205 (help for non-genre readers)

inside a big magical circle. → inside a big magical circle, a "ward".

Chapter 29, p218 (typo)

there was little he could except stay alert → there was little he could do except stay alert

Chapter 30, p221 (wording)

tearing at threads which she could hardly sense → tearing at threads she could hardly sense

p223 (typo)

would be another a tri-annual high → would be another tri-annual high

Chapter 31, p224 (US style)

Sara leaned forwards → Sara leaned forward

p227 (help for non-genre readers)

thrown themselves forward at the mage's ward → thrown themselves forward at the mage's barrier

Chapter 33, p236 (typo)

After a five minutes walk → After a five minute walk

Chapter 32, p244 (avoid the repetition of "despite herself")

slightly cheered despite herself → cheered a little by the distraction

Chapter 40, p293 (cliché)

suppressed a sigh of relief → suppressed an exhalation of relief

Chapter 41, p298 (clarity)

Garland wasn't a sensitive → Garland wasn't a Sensitive

Chapter 46, p318 (typo)

spinning around so she could take it all → spinning around so she could take it all in

Chapter 50, p354 (typo)

pretending she was wasn't → pretending she wasn't

Chapter 51, p368 (spelling)

will-power → willpower

p369 (clarity)

Leeth forced her way back there, beside the two women who still stared in, pushing them aside so hard

→

She forced her way back there, beside two of the shamans who still stared in, pushing the women aside so hard

Chapter 54, p387 (typo)

inside Professor Sanders office → inside Professor Sanders's office

p391 (style: repetition was unhelpful)

attacking them, except she knew she'd been slicing at pieces of Her — after she "attacked" people, instead of

→

attacking them, except she knew she'd been slicing at pieces of Her — instead of

p393: more security cameras than she'd seen before, though, → more security cameras than she'd seen before,

p400 (punctuation)

One thing she wasn't sure of, was how bright → One thing she wasn't sure of was how bright

p407 (repetition of "place")

The Barriers are still in place. → The Barriers are still secure.

Chapter 57, p415 (capitalisation)

Huntress Archetype → Huntress archetype

Chapter 59, p420 (tautology)

At 7:55am the next morning → At 7:55am the next day

Chapter 61, p437 (capitalisation)

'Do you have to check the security today?' She asked. → 'Do you have to check the security today?' she asked.

p438 (punctuation)

climbing back down, to get her temper → climbing back down to get her temper

Chapter 64, p449 (punctuation, spelling)

holstering his tranq pistol he stepped up → holstering his tranq pistol, he stepped up

a first aid kit → a first-aid kit

p451 (typo)

why she hasn't used them to take out? → why she hasn't used them to take us out?

Chapter 67, p464 (typo)

pleased that Sara been able to → pleased that Sara had been able to

Corrections/improvements from the author's own, final re-reading:

p99: he brought the back of his left hand → he brought the back of his right hand

p99: He put the back of his hand → He kept the back of his hand
p104: carefully failed to react to her revelation → carefully failed to react to her bombshell:
p104: bypassed their security? → bypassed their security? He blinked.
p105: that it really were some creature → that it really was some creature
p106: Just to check. → Just to be sure.
p117: his security cabin → his house, let alone his security office
p180: he'd just looked kind of sad → he'd just seemed kind of sad
p184: she raced straight at the moving car → she ran straight at the moving car
p195: She'd also discovered, though, that if → She'd also discovered that if
p200: A fair estimate. → A fair statement.
p218: it had not been serious. → it had not been dangerous.
p220: Waiting in the silence → Waiting in the silent moments
p233: Like they would have if they'd → Like they would have acted if they'd
p236: considered the non-verbal cues that could have → considered what non-verbal cues could have
p245: He grinned, recalling → He smiled, recalling
p273: But couldn't I have found → Couldn't I have found
p291: hardly knew his new young woman → hardly knew this new young woman
p293: that." → that."
p300: then took a visible grip on himself → then, with effort, took a grip on himself
p329: The bodies were checked, → The bodies were checked;
p340: considered the bodies → considered the three corpses
p341: Stuffing her clothes → Stuffing her damp clothes
p357: discover she was supposed to call that out, → discover they were supposed to call out the code phrase,
p364: expecting monsters to pour through → expecting horrors to pour through
p364: But though she looked carefully, → Looking around carefully, though,
p366: The curve of a nasty smile. → The arc of a nasty smile.
p374: holding on tight → holding on grimly
p387: teaching her uncle stuff → teaching her uncle things
p400: how bright his light looked to other people → how bright his light would look to other people
p412: to sit cross-legged alongside him → to sit cross-legged beside him
p413: She got to her feet, not quite with → She got to her feet, with not quite
p416: Leeth shouted out to him → Leeth called out to him
p416: plowed through the grass → plowed into the lawn
p419: Disten climbed back in the car → Disten climbed back into the car
p421: powerful, insane, certainly a great danger → powerful, insane, and certainly a great danger
p456: acting on a strong hunch → acting on a strong intuition
p464: If there hadn't been five of → If there hadn't been six of

On Jan 18^th, 2016, made a formal request to Amazon for the current (release 5) version to be made available to all readers who had already purchased Wild Thing — at their discretion, obviously.

Release 7

Updated the Release number and the draft sample chapter from the sequel to use the final text, following three rounds of critique from a professional editor. (@ThEditors). A mention of this change has also been added to the Afterword.

Updated the title of the sequel. Since Vol 1 was published, the sequel
has been split into two novels, so Vol 2 is now titled Harsh Lessons. (Shadow Hunt will be the title for Vol. 3).

The spelling of Prolog has been changed to Prologue, as I now understand it is spelled the same in UK and US spelling.

These changes required updating the Table of Contents.

For the acknowledgements related to my editor, I added the text "If you see a problem, you've probably found a spot where I ignored his advice."

Release 8

This is in preparation.

Ch 3, p36 (typo)

"wrenching opening" → "wrenching open" — spotted by Kevin Moore. (Who scores a free ecopy of Shadow Hunt as he already owns Wild Thing and Harsh Lessons).

Ch 55, p403, typo

"screamed at her stab, and cut" --> "screamed at her to stab, and cut"

Release 8

This is in preparation.

Ch 3, p36 (typo)

"wrenching opening" → "wrenching open" – spotted by Kevin Moore. (Who scores a free ecopy of Shadow Hunt as he already owns Wild Thing and Harsh Lessons).

Added review links in the Afterword/Publishing 2015 sections, and a link to the sequel at the end of its excerpt.

Release 9

Fixed 2 typos, 2 small continuity errors, and a final final polish: 74 other, mostly-small changes.

Release 10

Changed from single quotation marks to double quotation marks for dialog.

Release 11

Added thumbnails and links to the books in the series, and links for readers wishing to write a review.

Release 12

Updated links to point to (internationalised) Amazon sites instead of Goodreads.

Release 13

Minor typographical changes in a few places: several ‘smart quote’ errors fixed (like “ ‘ey!” instead of “ ’ey!”), and a subtle layout change.

Revision history for Harsh Lessons (releases)

Harsh Lessons — Changelist / revision history
Below, the underlined portions of the "before" (left text, Release N-1) and "after" (right text, Release N+1) are to highlight the specific changes. The page numbers refer to the page number in the 5"x8" print edition: they are given just as an approximate indication of the location for the ebook edition.

Summary

Release 0: Jun 25^th (initial pre-release for upload to Amazon for the 3pm pre-publication deadline.)

Release 1: Jul 4^th Maybe a dozen typos and grammatical errors fixed, and a few hundred small improvements (punctuation, word choice), and I think two small continuity errors fixed. 1^st print edition, and 1^st Amazon release.

Release 2: Jul 5^th

Mostly a set of minor stylistic bits of polishing at the sentence level: changing punctuation, changed the occasional word to avoid repetition. Found a minor continuity error, and I learned that kidnapper/kidnapping is more commonly spelled with two "p"s in US usage, so changed it.

Continuity error: in the prologue, Eagle should have said "in the execution of its duty this evening", not "morning". I also decided Garland couldn't know her well enough to call her unstable; so: "Unstable" changed to "Unpredictable"

Another read-through from the print edition lead to a further
set of stylistic polishing at the sentence level: changing punctuation, changed the occasional word to avoid repetition. Found a missing "to" in one sentence, and a "flitting" that should have been a "flitted". Oh, and a sentence that had two periods at the end instead of one.

Partial details:

Ch 1, p15 —

Spurious space character after the ellipsis in "and strong, and… '

Ch 14, p105 — repetition
I've just been replaced as an executive assistant by a Tik Tek Mark VII gynoid with the twelve language, executive assistant software pack. Deleted the underlined portion.

Ch 19, p120 — punctuation typo
toward the door.. → toward the door.
Ch 22, p140 — typo
a feeling of doubt flitting → a feeling of doubt flitted

Ch 27, p173 — formatting

Because at 9:30 last night → Because at nine-thirty last night

Ch 33, p216 — +humor; typo

and the spaghetti.

→ and the spaghetti. Soft spaghetti? Maybe she should read that cookery book Emma had given her?

Dad used to use it lock the shed → Dad used to use it to lock the shed

Ch 45, p301 — blonde/blond usage

Or her newly-blond hair → Or her newly-blonde hair

--- end of summary: gory details now, for me -----------

Prologue, p5 — continuity error

"the execution of its duty this morning" → "the execution of its duty this evening"

p7 — word choice

I decided Garland couldn't know her well enough from this to call her unstable; so: "Unstable." changed to "Unpredictable."

Ch 1, p15 — wording, punctuation

Spurious space character after the ellipsis "and strong, and… '

Added "Except at the very end" and a head shake and smile to:

easy to counter. Except at the very end.' He shook his head, smiling.

Ch 2, p19 — wording tweak
The female agent was there. Emma. → The female agent, Emma, was there.

P23 — wording

He felt warm for some reason, as he remembered → He felt warm for some reason, remembering

Ch 3, p29 — punctuation
Changed semi-colon to comma:
He felt sure she had magic; yet equally sure → He felt sure she had magic, yet equally sure

Ch 4, p37 — wording tweak and continuity improvement
Today, all her clothes had been delivered from the Institute, so she'd finally have something nice to wear
→
All her clothes had finally been delivered from the Institute, so she'd have something nice to wear

p41 — wording tweak
Which made her think about Godsson → Which in turn made her think about Godsson

Ch 8, p57 — wording tweak
Leeth put a finger into one ear → Leeth put a finger to one ear

Ch 10, p68 — minor continuity smoothening
the newsment shows had named → the newsment shows had started to call

Ch 14, p102 — wording tweak

And failed. → And couldn't.

P105 — repetition
I've just been replaced as an executive assistant by a Tik Tek Mark VII gynoid with the twelve language, executive assistant software pack.
→
I've just been replaced by a Tik Tek Mark VII gynoid with the twelve language, executive assistant software pack.

Ch 16, p111 — wording

Yeah, and how it got me noticed → Yeah, which had gotten me noticed

Ch 18, p116 — clause order, action tag, sentence length
The interior of the squad car was dark and warm, the smell of Henderson's cinnamon donuts and espresso making Detective Marta Sanchez's stomach rumble.
→
The interior of the squad car was dark and warm. They'd been here hours, now, and Detective Marta Sanchez's stomach rumbled at the smell of Henderson's cinnamon donuts and espresso.

Ch 19, p120 — punctuation typo
toward the door.. → toward the door.
P122 — wording
had pulled so far back in a snarl that she couldn't. → had pulled so far back in a snarl, she couldn't.

Ch 20, p126 — smoother continuity
the media were calling "The Breaker." → the newsment shows had started to call "The Breaker."

Ch 22, p140 — typo
a feeling of doubt flitting → a feeling of doubt flitted

Ch 23, p147 — capitalisation
Why are we still alive? She was really asking → Why are we still alive? she was really asking

p153 — flow/layout
Added a line break between paragraphs, to indicate time passing.
"... surges of a retreating tide.

Henderson blinked"

Ch 24, p155 — wording
She shook her head, → She shook her head again,

Ch 26, p170 — wording tweak
there providing ample → there would provide ample [to clarify this is his future plan, not underway yet]
p170 — wording
would have shown her ex-husband → would have shown that her ex-husband

Ch 27, p173 — formatting

Because at 9:30 last night → Because at nine-thirty last night

Ch 28, p176 — punctuation
the bottle of orange-colored liquid, rolling → the bottle of orange-colored liquid rolling
p176 — continuity error (wrong name!)
detective and mage Sergio Berlusconi → detective and mage Diego Berlusconi
p179 — wording
dried-out. Maybe lying here a whole day, now. → dried-out, like it had been lying there a whole day.
coming from it? → coming from here?
P180 — punctuation
and her uncle, Harmon → and her uncle , Harmon

Ch 31, p195 — wording

attending school → going to school

Ch 32, p200 — smoother continuity
getting the girl to wear → getting the girl to agree to wear [hasn't been there long enough to use it yet]
p202 — wording
Even if you couldn't → Despite the fact you couldn't

Ch 33, p216 — +humor; typo
and the spaghetti.
→ and the spaghetti. Soft spaghetti? Maybe she should read that cookery book Emma had given her?

Dad used to use it lock the shed → Dad used to use it to lock the shed

Ch 34, p227 — wording
But she'd forgotten all about it by the time Emma came home:
→
By the time Emma came home, though, she'd forgotten all about it:

Ch 36, p242 — spelling
fukken → fucken

Ch 37, p248 — wording
strangely protective → oddly protective

Ch 43, p290 — wording
spare you fifteen.' He smiled. → spare you fifteen.' His eyes glittered.
P293 — wording

What a team we would make. → And what a team they would make.

Ch 45, p301 — blonde/blond usage
Or her newly-blond hair → Or her newly-blonde hair

Release 3

Major oops was wrongly calling Diego Berlusconi Sergio Berlusconi in one place! Also there was a missing "to" in one place, and a "flitting" that should have been a "flitted". Oh, and a sentence that had two periods at the end instead of one.

Release 4

Summary of changes

Mirella provided additional information on the background images, added a credit to http://depositphotos.com/
below the CiP.

For the print edition, spelled out the URLs in the afterword: you can't click hyper-links on paper!

Tightened up the spacing of the table at the start of Ch 5, Leeth's schedule, to try to make it look not-appalling in the Kindle edition.

Fixed one typo, three tiny continuity errors, added three small clarifications, and improved the punctuation/wording/flow of about 60 sentences.

Plan (for the print edition only: pending) to change spines so all the artwork lines up nicely.

WARNING:

if you have not read Harsh Lessons, then reading the detailed list of changes, below, will lead you to spoilers: especially at the end.

(It's pretty safe up until you get to Chapter 40, so if you do want to get an idea of the changes, but don't want spoilers, bail out at Ch 40 in the list below.)

Detailed list of changes

Prologue, p3, repetition ("knowing")

He met Eagle's knowing gaze.

Eagle watched, something in his eyes too knowing, as if he somehow knew exactly
→
He met Eagle's gaze.

Eagle watched, something in his eyes too knowing, as if somehow aware of exactly

p4, wording tweaks
destination was your team → destination was your own team
'Welcome to the Bureau → 'Let me welcome you to the Bureau
to absorb that bombshell → to absorb the bombshell

Ch 1, p15

Fixed a doubled-up "shook his head" on p15, introduced in Release 2. So:

He shook his head, smiling. 'But in the field, or in battle, I fear for her. [...] rather than retreat, regroup and rethink.' He shook his head.
→
He paused, clearly savoring the memory. 'But in the field, or in battle, I fear for her. [...] rather than retreat, regroup and rethink.' He shook his head again.

And

He looked with some satisfaction down at Leeth
→
He looked with distinct satisfaction down at Leeth

Ch 2, p19, wording
she held it out to him. He waved it away → she held it out to him, but he waved it away
p23, wording
The depth of her smile that blossomed in response → The joy of her answering smile
p24, wording, punctuation
Surrendering. You are supposed
→
Surrendering.
'And you are supposed

Ch 3, p26, wording
Or will he be pleased I hurried → Or will he be pleased that I hurried

Ch 5, p39, clause order
When she and Uncle had been offered their chance to work for the Government, back in Eagle's office,
→
When she and Uncle had been offered their chance, back in Eagle's office, to work for the Government
p41, punctuation
let him go? → let him go.
p42, punctuation
feeling tired, all at once → feeling tired all at once
pre-packaged "snacks" → pre-packaged snacks

Ch 6, p45, wording
bright red dice → translucent red dice
p49, wording (a touch too informal for Emma)
you would've seen → you would have seen

Ch 8, p54, tense
she'd scowled → she scowled
p56, wording
amidst the glittering forest → deep inside the glittering forest
p60, wording
a generous slice of carrot cake → a generous serve of carrot cake
p61, wording, typo
She moved back as the man emerged → She moved back as he emerged
How did you get it in here? → How did you get in here?

Ch 10, p70, wording
trying to find a posture → trying for a posture

Ch 11, p77, detail
pink halter and a nanoskirt → pink halter and a gray nanoskirt

Ch 13, p88, layout
each sheaf of hair along the benchtop before them with care.
As Emma brushed at Leeth's shoulders,
→
each sheaf of hair along the benchtop before them with care.

As Emma brushed at Leeth's shoulders,

p92, wording (Emma wouldn't say "kind of")
Kind of exotic → Rather exotic

p93, punctuation
Emma thought. Afraid to ask → Emma thought; afraid to ask

Ch 14, p95, wording
No wonder Leeth seemed confused and distracted, now. → No wonder Leeth now seemed confused and distracted.

That was not a safe attitude → Which was not a safe attitude

Ch 15, p108, wording
silent for so long → silent for so long now

Ch 16, p111, wording, logic
degree of the match with the perp's pattern → degree of the match to the perp's pattern

He zoomed in, expanding his map. → He zoomed out, expanding his map.

p112, wording
reluctant to assist each time. → reluctant to assist each time since then.

Ch 20, p130, wording
just one hope → a single thread of hope

Ch 21, p135, wording
like a poisonous little spider → lurking like a poisonous little spider

Ch 23, p152, wording
wintry fingers; the surges of a retreating tide. → wintry fingers, in surges like a retreating tide.

Ch 24, p159, clarification
he'd moved his other hand, and a horribly confusing delight curled around her, deep within, in her chest.
→
he'd moved his other hand — or maybe just the fingers — then a horribly confusing need curled around her, deep inside. Low down, in her belly. In her groin.

Ch 26, p169, repetition
It was interesting how → It was interesting, too, how
p170, wording
gobbet of flesh, pushing each → gobbet of flesh and pushed each

Ch 28, p178, wording
to learn he still loved her → to learn that he still loved her

Ch 32, p199, wording
a black sheath making it look → a black sheath to make it look

Ch 32, p200, clarifying hint; repetition
had been a major victory.
→
had been a major victory. And something about those arguments — about her inability to get through to Leeth — had felt wrong. Emma suspected the hand of the Doctor.

Emma rolled her eyes. → Emma grimaced.

Ch 35, p232, wording
who'd spoken earlier said → who'd spoken earlier said again

before the doors shut again. → before the doors shut.

in good clothes but which were all slightly askew. → in good clothes but all slightly askew.

p234, punctuation
angles; judging how his head would have to strike the ground,
→
angles — judging how his head would have to strike the ground —

Ch 36, p236, word flow
triangle-diamond shape → diamond-triangle shape
p242, repetition
Holy stinking piles of creds → Holy stinking money piles

Ch 37, p245, clarify
then swept her finger → then curled her fingers
p247, clarify
no one except Dennis — or Nelson himself → no one except Dennis himself — or Nelson
p249, wording
green and blue lights and giving it a mystical appearance
→
green and blue lights giving it a mystical appearance

Ch 38, p251, emphasis
but didn't see any 'links → but didn't see any 'links

Ch 39, p262, wording
rush of the wind and thrum of the truck's tires → rush of the wind and the thrum of the truck's tires

Ch 41, p275, expanded thought
save her. → save her. Save them both.
P278, expanded thought
Sometimes, you must let your body lead.
→
Sometimes, you must let your body lead. Sometimes, one must let go.

Ch 42, p282, wording
letting Jane down by her inability → letting Jane down through her inability

Ch 44, p294, punctuation
her friend Marcie, when she's not → her friend Marcie — when she's not
p296, continuity
when he told the Doctor → when he told her

Ch 45, p304, thought
When he wakes up…. → When he wakes up….

Ch 47, p311, vocabulary
'You don't want to hurt us?' → 'You don't wanna hurt us?'

Ch 49, p322 — wording
And I do want to reacquire her: she is proving to be everything I hoped for.
'Mother, you will work with the Doctor to devise a plan which will bring her back in, eager to rejoin us. We will treat it as her graduation test: she will no doubt be seeking to avoid us; you will be seeking to find her and restore her to us.'
→
But I will have her back, Mother: she is proving to be everything I hoped for.
'You will work with the Doctor to devise a plan to bring her back to us. A little test: she will no doubt be seeking to avoid us; you will be seeking to restore her to us.'

Travel theme. Powered by Blogger.

Pages

A Quick Note

Home

No comments:

Post a Comment

Eagle-eyed Readers (error-reporters)

Wild Thing 1st-20 Reviews (Honest review -> free copy of Harsh Lessons